What an idiot! it took me a couple of days to register. i have to admit that i was kind of shock when i heard the news. It was nothing new but the anger is overwhelming. What not to be furious about? Feeling the lost of dignity? That probably most of it!
huh!
So, life goes on.
Project paper is halfway done. I really wish that i can finish it up by early of April! But getting it done is another story. There are a lot of challenges along the way. Name it: the hard disk was crash, the file was missing, the laptop could not be used any longer, not forgetting endless of fevers,flu and not forgetting migraine. what a miserable way to start a year! Driving one hour to the university is no hassle as i have time for myself thinking and sorting whatever mess i have in my mind while driving. I have to say driving is actually very 'therapeutic'.
My colleague told me that this year is a bad year for those who were born in the year of Monkey. According to her, the bad luckS started December and i got to be extra careful in whatever i'm doing because i will be challenged and tested along the way. i will also be prone to accident and she warned me to drive safely.
Well, i choose not to believe it of course!
Although it sounded like almost true to what i've been facing for the past few months.
I'm not going to sigh.
I just hate the phase of convincing myself that 'i dont have to try so hard to get everything done'. But i tend to after what i've gone through. Getting things to be done perfectly makes me go crazy. I couldn't turn to any of the novel (like i used to do when i am down) because i have been restricting myself from reading those novels as it might makes me losing focus in whatever i'm doing. (and my sis said i am doing my work like a nerd) No offense Nerdies! I am one of you. that explains the attitude.
I've so many things in my head that i feel like it's going to burst anytime soon. i got tired of everything. What do i want then? I've no idea either. That part of my heart is still searching, longing to be fulfilled.
*i guess i spend too little time with HIM.
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"I searched for God among the Christians and on the Cross and therein I found Him not.
I went into the ancient temples of idolatry; no trace of Him was there.
I entered the mountain cave of Hira and then went as far as Qandhar but God I found not.
With set purpose I fared to the summit of Mount Caucasus and found there only 'anqa's habitation.
Then I directed my search to the Kaaba, the resort of old and young; God was not there even.
Turning to philosophy I inquired about him from ibn Sina but found Him not within his range.
I fared then to the scene of the Prophet's experience of a great divine manifestation only a "two bow-lengths' distance from him" but God was not there even in that exalted court.
Finally, I looked into my own heart and there I saw Him; He was nowhere else." - quot by Jalalludin Al Rumi
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