I was stumbling upon this song when i was browsing through my friend's facebook. The song is really nice and very meaningful in its words. It gets into me and just what i needed at this very moment. A few things were hinted by a dear friend in regards of the weird dreams. Nothing to shout about..but worth pondering.

aNother rebound?

Been a little depressed lately. It was all because of the little incident upon stumbling the information which i am not supposed to know unless i ask for it. it had led to 3 consecutive depressing days of misery and ultimate ignorance! I have to learn to accept the bitter truth and obviously there is nothing can be done but to move on and improve the situation. Ironically, knowing how things are done had really puts me down. I have never been so disappointed and it has already hit me really hard in the head.

I need to be distracted from all this. I had decided to focus on something more important. Something that i had neglected for quite sometimes. I finally realizes that all this while i was giving excuses all along. Well, i have my own personal reasons. I guess all i need is the right time. And this is it. I should seriously consider doing it as my number one priority rather than procrastinating it again.

After two days, i began to enjoy the whole process of learning. I do have fear in me. Plus being extra-ordinarily critical as in doing the compare and contrast. Perhaps i had been trained in such a way that it has been ingrained in me. So far, things are looking good and i feel good. :)

Thinking too much about something might not bring me anywhere. i guess this is another rebound to happen. If this is what life is all about...i would say it is a very tiring way of living a life (speaking at the very moment of depression).

series of unfortunate events

2 weeks had gone and the biggest event we participated was a success. They were on tv and the event had brought out the kiddos' true colors. :) I get to know them better and that is another reason why i am able to stick with this job. :P

but a few incidents had led me to grumble endlessly for the past 3 days. Despite being told that i am being too nice, (which i know i shouldn't) i realized that maybe it was true looking at how opportunist around me had taken advantage of me. i might sounds vain but what had happened for the past few months had taught me well.

First, i was told that it was ok to have my work being "changed here and there" and there is no harm in doing it! (But seriously, WTF???) I felt like i was being a real dumb ass under the pinpoint of a wicked witch. (i have no choice) sigh...

Then the disastrous moment continues when i was asked to do most of the work alone..and again WTF??? but i gave in because at that time i was thinking this might be the stepping stone for me. (Being i would say 'manipulated' to the max had had me almost given up in the chance of throwing the opportunities out the window) but again I HAVE NO CHOICE! am i really? i seriously do not have any idea...

***self reminder
i'm narrating these unfortunate events as a self reminder that i should think twice before saying yes. sounds like a self pity which will land me into a drain of trouble! (not once but many times)

and it continues when i end up doing most of the things. It was supposed to be a team work n i felt like i was being bullied by my junior! i guess i should be firmer next time around and stop being pushed like a ball, or thrown anywhere they feel like it to be...

now it sounds pretty ridiculous. heheh

Despite the trouble, problems and obstacles throughout the whole process, it ends with a success. not to brag about it but i was really satisfied although i expect it to be smoother than it was supposed to be. Even though i feel like i was being used (most of the time) deep inside me i realized that i am capable of doing what i love to do.

and yeah sometimes we should just close one eye. (not all the time of course!)

Lesson learnt - to be firm and stop being too nice? :p am i?

she looked back on her life and realize

EVERYTHING

that happened had only made her

STRONGER.